I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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