the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
