i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
