Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
