great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he told me I talked like a deaf person
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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