So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
