Please, let me fuck your mom
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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