conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
