Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize