One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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