dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
