Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize