I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
