Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
