I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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