I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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