he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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