I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
