Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
