I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
