Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
