Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
