so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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