When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
