I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
