hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
