i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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