you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
