watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
