I am puke
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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