so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
