Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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