at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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