What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize