That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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