is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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