if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
