Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
