3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
