its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
