We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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