oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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