My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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