he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
