Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
