I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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