I faked an abortion last night.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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