i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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