Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
