Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
