I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
