I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
