we're chasing vodka with high fives
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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