So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
