I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
