Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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