dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
