well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
