it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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