If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
