I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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