A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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