turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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