every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
