She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How's work?
Spinning.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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