Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
