oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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