i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
