The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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