Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
