I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
