whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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