Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
