They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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